Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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