paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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