let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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