we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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