pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
