Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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