.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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