now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
