The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
