you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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