i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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