im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.