i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic