it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
