I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
