I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me