Define "chronic" masturbator.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
