I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.