the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.