Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.