3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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