Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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