I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
