It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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