i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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