so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are the jesus of drinking
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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