After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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