Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
