Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
