Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
