The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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