he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
