I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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