I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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