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Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
