I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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