Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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