can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
