Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
