dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
