and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
