don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
