I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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