The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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