Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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