Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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