I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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