So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
