apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
