my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
