"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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