just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want her autograph on my taint
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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