You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize