I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
