I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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