I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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