I looked at my own cervix.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
