She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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