woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
