our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
