fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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