So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
