I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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I need you to use more vowels.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
