i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
