yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
