Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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