he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
