1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I puked a lego.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
