I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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