She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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