i may or may not be watching the land before time
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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