so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
