upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
