i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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