This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
