he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize