Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
