college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
