Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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