well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
