wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walk of Shame today included voting.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
not ubering you a puppy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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