I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
