I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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